Breaking the Chains of Burnout
An older friend, colleague, or mentor can help you consider your options.
"My younger colleague confided, 'I'm burned out!' At thirty-nine years old, only eight years into her career, she's an academic physician with two young children, navigating the delicate balance of work and family. Her story, though unique, echoes the challenges many professional women face.
The narrative below extends beyond the medical field; it's a common thread for ambitious, overachieving women in diverse professions. Perfectionism, boundary-setting, and the constant weight of additional household and childcare responsibilities are our shared struggles.
Whether you're a doctor, lawyer, engineer, nurse, teacher, accountant, banker, or in any profession, if burnout looms, please confide in a colleague or friend. Discussing your situation with a person you trust can brings clarity and empowers you to make positive changes. I believe that the journey to reclaim balance is universal for working women, and sharing experiences ensures that we all thrive in our professional and personal lives.
My young friend was balancing a demanding career with the responsibilities of motherhood to two young children, and she shares childcare duties with her husband, who works part-time in real estate. Despite her active lifestyle—commuting by bike, running twenty-five miles weekly, and incorporating occasional yoga—she'd reached a point of burnout.
I asked her about mom guilt, and surprisingly, she expressed very little. Her relationship with her husband remained strong and reassuring. She was lucky to have a great helper in her mother who offered invaluable support, flying in to care for her children during her frequent travels to present her research as part of a resident coaching program she developed. She felt mostly financially content with a fair salary, yet she supplements her income with moonlighting at the hospital twice a month.
We targeted the demands on her time that had escalated recently. In addition to frequent travel, she oversees the Mother-Baby Unit and Newborn Nursery as the medical director. As a pediatric hospitalist, she enjoys teaching residents and medical students, conducting daily rounds on her hospital patients, and nursery duties one week each month. In addition, she has night call responsibilities, three nights per month from home, which adds to her workload.
Recognizing her burnout, she took the last eight weeks off, a long break officially labeled as a “medical leave” but with only partial pay. Actively addressing her mental health, she engaged in regular psychotherapy sessions, and she and her therapist tried several medication changes. She also tried transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) for chronic refractory depression—though without any perceived noticeable improvement (by her). However, during our two-hour conversation, she exhibited vibrancy, animated conversation, and genuine laughter, contrary to what you might expect from someone struggling with depression.
I was happy to assist my young colleague in examining the multiple challenges she faces, because I had been there before! Here is what we uncovered:
Dislike of the medical director position: She thought she wanted this postion but it only brings forth complaints from other physicians and various headaches from multiple meetings.
Frustration with limited time for her coaching program: Inadequate time for the residency coaching program, a source of real enjoyment. Actually, this effort is her passion, and she has traveled the country to share aspects of this program. Yet, the paper describing this novel program is not quite finished or submitted for publication.
Disappointment in "lazy" residents: Some residents' today (Gen Z) have a work ethic that disappoints her, diverging from her own standards. The younger generation seems to want limited work and a better work-life balance in their careers. (Of course, she compares this to her own.)
Inability to set boundaries: She struggles with setting limits on professional commitments and invariably gets in over her head. Her inability to say no to requests from others to engage in new projects is a huge problem.
Overt resentment from co-workers: She feels that colleagues covering for her during her absence harbor resentments. She knows that it was medically necessary, however she will have to “make-up” all of that call.
Dread of making up missed call: She anticipates the daunting task of making up all the call she missed during her leave. (This phenonmenon also happens during most maternity leaves for women physicians.)
Perfectionism: The burden of striving for perfection in all aspects of her work. Overachieving women typically share this character trait, and it is a major handicap in achieving a satisfying work life.
Considering a potential job change: She contemplates moving her family closer to her support network, her parents, who live in another city.
Her story mirrors mine at age forty, navigating challenges with three young kids, dissatisfaction with my work hours and call schedule, unhappy with an unsympathetic manager, and deluged with mulitple unfinished projects and papers. For perfectionistic, overachieving women (like me), job dissatisfaction can be extremely detrimental. Women mostly work to make a difference and to feel fulfilled. We relish our roles but often get entangled in numerous responsibilities which lead to burnout.
In our two-hour conversation, my colleague and I pinpointed her major concerns and focused on actionable steps. What where the things that she could change? And what were the things over which she had no control? Going forward, she aims to set boundaries and learn to say no. Women physicians, driven by a tendency to say yes, must recognize the importance of saying no to maintain balance. Each affirmative response to new responsibilities at work translates into a compromise on personal well-being.
If you're experiencing burnout, I encourage you to confide in a trusted friend, ideally someone a bit older, and together try to dissect your challenges. Discussing your situation at length with someone who has a different perspective or a longer view can unveil potential solutions. Reviewing your current predicaments with a work colleague, or mentor, can empower you to make positive changes. I guarantee that you'll feel better and gain valuable insights, maybe even discover a roadmap to recovery.
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